I'm feeling much brighter than when my wonderful friend created this blog for me. I was having a very difficult time grieving my father's passing. Today, I am at peace. I miss him every single day, but I'm ok knowing he's ok where he is and that I will see him again. I love you Christine, for creating this for me to write. I always have these random thoughts and memories that make me wish I had someone to tell or share them with. And, now I do! Thank you, my friend. I'm pretty sure these are just going to be random thoughts with no regard to a time line because I'll just be writing about stuff that pops into my head on any given day! lol That could mean....anything! ha ha!
Lately, my thoughts have been on a wonderful lady names Betty. I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict and am sober 24 years. Very greatful for my life and my sobriety!! I have one son who is 28 and my ex-husband and I split up when he was 6 weeks old. Towards the end of my using and drinking days, I got myself into quite abit of trouble and was trying to find my way out the hell I had cornered myself into. I had graduated from high school but had no further education than my diploma. I was a mess. Unemployed as well as unemployable. I got this idea that perhaps if I got a job that was something I liked to do, that maybe I'd be able to keep it for a while! I LOVED music all my life and I'd always had a desire to promote something or someone!! I didn't want to be the star, but the star-maker! I knew there were people who did that but I did not know how one became a "promoter", so I got out the good old yellow pages. In the olden days, there used to be 2 big books that every household needed. One was the white pages, which was all residential phone numbers and addresses and the other was the yellow pages, which was all business addresses and phone numbers. The yellow pages listed things according to what they were instead of by their business name. For instance, Acme Cake Shop was listed under Bakeries. People don't use their phone books much anymore and there are so many companies producing them that I don't even save them anymore. Anyways, back to my story....I looked under "Records" and then under "Promotors" and whatever other words I could come up with relating to record promoting. Then I started calling them all. Asking if there were any job openings. I sent resumes to all who requested one and most people just said no, there were no openings. I did this for many days, calling as many places as I could think of. Evertime I could think of another word to look up, and find another company that sounded like they may do something interesting, I would call. I didn't want to look in the newspaper for any job that had openings, I wanted a job that I specifically chose myself. That may seem like strange behavior, but at the time, it seemed like the only way I was going to be able to find a job and have any chance of keeping it. One day, I called this place and spoke with this lady named Betty. When I asked if she had any job openings she wanted to know how I came to call her. I told her, in fewer words than I've been able to write here, that I wanted to learn about promoting records and recording artists. Then she asked again, how did I specifically get her phone number and I told her I got it out of the telephone book. She seemed a little shocked that someone would do this. She told me she thought that was interesting and agreed to meet with me and made an appointment for me to come and meet her 3 days from that day. The next day, I was offered a job with a man who had a business and had written a book and wanted a "secretary" to help with promoting the book and selling it to bookstores. So, I took the job and it was a very unpleasant experience. I didn't last 2 weeks. Nowadays, it would be called "sexual harrassment" but back then, women either put up with it, or left the job. I left the job. With yet another short-term employment and a bad reference. I felt lower than pond scum and that I was just completely unfit for employment anywhere. Then I remembered Betty. Luckily, I had written in the telephone book on the page she was listed, the date and time of the appointment that I never showed up at. But, I humbled myself and called her back. She remembered me and asked why I never showed up for our appointment. I had to explain all about the other job and them man and what he did and then I had the nerve to ask her if she still had an opening and if she would still like to meet with me. Lucky for me, she did. We set another appointment for the next day. The next day, we had a huge rainstorm. I never liked driving in the rain, but I got up and started out to the appointment when all of a sudden, out of now where, I got a flat tire! And had no spare!! And no money! I was in a terrible mess. A nice person let me leave my car in front of their house and also let me use their telephone to call a friend to come pick me up. (this was before cell phones) By the time my friend got there, the appointed time had passed, I looked a mess from being out in the rain and I just asked her to take me home. I was too embarrassed to call Betty to explain anything. A few weeks later, my sister Linda was in need of a job. Her company was closing and she needed to find a new job. I told her about this lady who seemed to have an opening. I also told her it might be better if she didn't mention it was I who gave her the reference. She called her and went to an interview with Betty and Linda did not take the job because she needed medical benefits for herself and her family. Linda told me that yes, she did tell Betty about me and that was how she came about getting her phone number and she told me that she was a very nice lady. About a week later, I worked up enough nerve to call her back and explain about the flat tire and the rain and that if she made one more appointment with me, I would do my best to show up this time. To my surprise, she did. I had to borrow a friends car, but I did get there. We laughed a bit (mine was more of a nervous laugh) about how this all came about. She told me she was impressed at how I tried to find this job instead of just reading a newspaper. She told me she'd give me a trial. She told me she thought I had a lot of potential. Nobody had ever told me that before. The job was 8-5, a lot of phone work and a lot of typing. She also published a weekly tip-sheet to record companies of all the hottest new songs just released. I really wanted this job. This sounded exactly like what I wanted to do. But, it was also at the tail-end of my drug and alcohol use and I was not a good employee. I never showed up on time, I talked on the phone to my friends constantly...and I always talked about my son and everything he did. He was the only positive thing I had in my life and he was all I cared to talk about. I made it about 5-6 weeks and I wasn't getting along with anybody else who worked there and I could feel the familiar feeling that I was most likely going to lose this job soon. I overdosed on drugs and alcohol one night and that was the end. But, I didn't die. Not everyone who overdoses dies. Some people have to pay the price for their abuse. And I was one of those people. I'll go through that story some other time. I was directed to go to AA/CA meetings. I went and after the 2nd meeting I felt like I'd found some light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like I'd finally found some people who were like me! And they were SOBER!! I missed the rest of that week at work, and when I did come back, I'd had about 4 days of sobriety already and I called Betty and asked to come in and talk to her. It has always been my belief that she was going to fire me that day. But I went in there with so much enthusiasm for finally finding an answer to all my problems. I told her about overdosing and the hospital and the meetings. I told her I believed that I was going to be ok and I apologized for not being a good employee but practically begged her to let me prove to her I'd do better. She called me her "little victim of circumstance". And she let me keep my job. I stayed sober, went to my meetings and tried to show up on time. The best I could do was to show up, not necessarily on time, but I did manage to show up each day, which was an improvement from pre-sobriety. Anyone who has made their way out of the hell of drug & alcohol abuse knows that the first year is very difficult. And although I had great intentions, the world doesn't judge you by your intentions. It judges you by your actions. And my actions did not reflect my intentions. Stopping drugs and alcohol is only the tip of the iceberg. It was only the beginning of solving all the problems in my life. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. My life was a complete mess. I didn't know how to do anything. I was told early on, to "learn to listen, so I could listen to learn". The only thing that was good and solid in my life was my son. And he was barely 4 years old. Upon learning that I needed to attend meetings everyday, it meant that I had to find someone to watch my son so I could attend the meetings. I was unwilling to tell my parents of my plight and quickly beginning to see that I didn't have anybody in my life that I would trust to leave my son with. So, I took him with me. I explained to my 4 year old that I had to go to these meetings so that I could keep my job, keep our apartment and take care of him. It was very important that I go and listen and that he needed to go with me until he was old enough to stay home. I explained that he could bring a toy, but it had to be a quiet toy. Somehow, my son seemed to understand the importance of what I was trying to convey to him. He chose things like coloring books, legos, picture books. He was very big on "transformers" back then. That is where you have something like a car, and it transforms into a robot. Eventually, I did tell my parents and my dad was thrilled to take care of Nick and spend all that time with him. We managed to make it work and somehow Betty kept me employed as my life began to peel away like layers of an onion. I was irritable, angry, hostile and rarely content at work. I loved the meetings and I loved my son, but I hated the world. Eventually, through the meetings and guidance of the 12 steps, I found some peace in a little corner of my life. When I was coming up on a year of sobriety, I was very excited! Staying sober for 1 year was a big deal! The meetings I went to made a big deal out of "birthdays" especially the first one! You would choose someone special to give you a cake with a candle in it. Everyone would sing happy birthday and then you would speak and tell people what it was like, what happened and how it is now. And you would do this at every meeting you attended! So your "birthday" could last a week or more, depending on how many different meetings you attended. I decided to ask Bette to give me my first cake. I had no idea if she would want to do this and go to a meeting with me, but I figured if it hadn't been for her, I didn't think I would have been alive for the opportunity to get sober. She had told me I had "potential"!! She gave me hope at a time in my life when I had nothing, especially hope. When I asked her if she would come and give me my cake and I explained what it was all about and when and how and all that information, I was expecting her to make an excuse to get out of it. And I already knew she was a very busy person, so I wasn't really expecting her to be able to do it. I just wanted her to. After I asked her and left a small invisible path for her to politely excuse herself from it, she surprised me by telling me it would be an honor for her to give me my cake. I almost fell off my chair!! She told me that she had an alcoholic in her life and that she had been attending Alanon, the sister program for AA. Its for people who are not alcoholic themselves, but have an alcoholic in their lives. She said that she had been attending Alanon meetings for many years and that I was right, she was ready to let me go when I found the meetings but decided against it as long as I stayed sober. She, and all the other employees at that job put up with all my withdrawls and anger and frustration because I WAS staying sober. And she told me that no matter what happened, everyday that I stayed sober gave her hope that her alcoholic could also get sober one day as well. I remember that very instant when she told me that like it was yesterday. I got the holy shivers!! My eyes filled with tears. All this time I felt she was helping me and I owed her so much and here she was telling me that I was helping her! How can that be?? She told me that, although I was difficult to work with at times, that by keeping me employed was the one thing she was able to do to help me 'trudge the road to happy destiny'. Betty had a son. Her was quite a bit older than my son. But I used to watch him and their relationship. I thought he was one of the "coolest" guys I ever knew! He loved his mom, he was unlike anyone I'd ever known. I saw him graduate high school, go to college and get involved with all kinds of cool things. He got into a fraternity and then became the president of the fraternities! I had never known anyone in a fraternity and they did all kinds of cool things. They did fundraisers for causes to help people. And yet, they had very cool parties that were not at all like any parties I'd ever been to! I don't remember him having a girlfriend, but he always seemed to have a date! I liked the way he seemed to enjoy his college years. I had only known of struggles to finish school (high school) and begrudgingly...people barely making it through, or even not at all! I'd never seen anyone actually enjoy school! I wanted all that for my son! All that Brennie was doing, I wanted for Nicholas too. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I wanted him to still love me when he was in high school and I wanted him to go on with his education so he didn't get into trouble like me and so he could have a good life. I wanted him to be happy like Brennie. Betty was a wonderful role model for me. She was a loving mother, a great business woman, and put all her faith and trust in God. We talked a lot about our sons. I learned so much from her. I'm glad we have remained friend all these years. She will always hold a very special place in my heart because, in spite of everything that stood in the way of our meeting each other, I think God prevailed. I think God intended for us to cross paths and that He was the one who kept humbling me to keep calling her. My son is now a grown man and he still loves me and he's had a wonderful life. Not an easy one, but he's a survivor. He learned a lot from those AA meetings. He may have been sitting there coloring pictures, but he was listening too. And he knew Brennie when he was at an impressionable age and had my feedback of how fun life is, not how terrible it is. They have not seen each other in all these years, but they both have a lot in common. I'm so glad I met Betty when I did and even though they don't know it, she and her son helped me raise my son. We both leaned heavily on God and worked our programs and today, life is good. I have since moved away but we have always kept in touch. She is planning a trip up here to visit with me this October. I am very much looking forward to her visit. I thank God for her every day in my prayers and have for 24 years and counting!
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